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  • Writer's pictureColleen Nelson

Mom Guilt

Updated: Jun 10, 2023

Humans are complex creatures that play various roles in one lifetime. As a woman we come into this world as a daughter and even a sister. As we grow and mature, we become friend, student, teacher, employee, or volunteer. We may even become wife or in-law. Each role is important. We learn quickly that they can be conditional. You get out what you put in. It is easily to feel pulled thin as we assign time and energy to each of these relationships.

Then, some of us may become a mom. We are immediately thrust into a role where another living being is completely dependent on us. There physical, mental, and spiritual health is dependent on the role we will play in their lives. There is a feeling that part of your heart is now living outside of your body. I have talked to many new moms who feel that if they are not being a mom every moment they are filled with guilt.

I was this mom. I remember when my first child was born the feeling of never being in the right place at the right time. If I was with my dear son, I felt like I should be doing something for my husband, for school, or for work. If I was with my husband, I was at school or work I felt like I should be with my dear son. My heart felt physically torn every day. My mind felt scattered. And I felt like a failure all the time. There definitely was not room in life for ME.

God must have known I would need more support transitioning to this new role. He had already surrounded me with the best support system. My dear parents, my in-laws, and my dear husband were so good about encouraging me. They would remind me repeatedly that living an example of the characteristics I wanted my dear children to have been just as important as being with them every waking moment. My support system reminded me the importance of time for myself. When I would get stressed one of them would say to me,

“You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be.”

Over the years I built a system I still use today. Whenever that feeling of mom guilt creeps in, I ask myself,

“Are You Living the Example of What I Want My Children to See?”

If the answer to this question is “No,” then I change course. If the answer to this question is “Yes,” then I say to myself,

“You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be.”

God’s path for me and my dear family has not been without challenges. It has also not been without blessings. Every mom goes through some transitional phase that includes this deep sense of guilt. And I wish for each and every one they can start to grow comfort in knowing they are exactly where they need to be.

We have been chosen to be the mom. There is nobody that can give that child what you can in love, experience, example. There is nobody more equipped to support their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. While this is a great honor that should be taken seriously it is equally important to remember that if you stop doing the things that make you, YOU, then you are no longer that ideal person.

So, when the mom guilt creeps in just take a moment to yourself to make sure you are living the example you want your children to see…

“You Are Exactly Where You Need to Be.”

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